I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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