Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize