I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
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And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.