So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.