Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.