She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me