You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Randomize
