I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!