Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.

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  (610): Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man. http://tfl.nu/0eqn
  Replies (9) Good night (2485) Bad night (1127)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.

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  (703): I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is. http://tfl.nu/7kmq
  Replies (53) Good night (899) Bad night (3202)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.

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  (616): I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon. http://tfl.nu/lqe8
  Replies (29) Good night (1289) Bad night (4124)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.

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  (845): I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again. http://tfl.nu/ku6h
  Replies (15) Good night (3412) Bad night (964)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.

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  (813): He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand. http://tfl.nu/9yan
  Replies (10) Good night (1096) Bad night (3420)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt

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  (814): I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt http://tfl.nu/8loq
  Replies (8) Good night (739) Bad night (2342)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.

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  (843): Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho. http://tfl.nu/pobq
  Replies (9) Good night (1758) Bad night (624)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.

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  (248): No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again. http://tfl.nu/jvet
  Replies (7) Good night (1186) Bad night (616)
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.

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  (808): Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen. (1-808): To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one. http://tfl.nu/g3ky
  Replies (9) Good night (1335) Bad night (519)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.

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  (913): I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against. http://tfl.nu/anj9
  Replies (0) Good night (664) Bad night (382)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.

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  (404): New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold. http://tfl.nu/ite7
  Replies (3) Good night (773) Bad night (389)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.

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  (319): I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video. http://tfl.nu/l44k
  Replies (2) Good night (608) Bad night (411)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.

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  (973): DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC. http://tfl.nu/am4q
  Replies (3) Good night (595) Bad night (411)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME

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  (215): In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME http://tfl.nu/m8a1
  Replies (1) Good night (643) Bad night (149)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)

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  (703): so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one) http://tfl.nu/n24l
  Replies (1) Good night (242) Bad night (262)

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