I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.