She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.