it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
