I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”