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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.

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  17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.

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  These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.

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• (650): View more from California

  have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children

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• (845): View more from New York

  We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink

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