I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Everclear isn't food dammit
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
