booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
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