Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
