he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
