Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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