Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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