Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
this is an emotional support booty call
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
