My sheets look like a crime scene.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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