I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
