What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
