my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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