Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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