I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
