just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
