Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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