I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
