the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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