drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
