I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
