battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
