I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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