please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
