note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
