This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize
