I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
