I must be too annoying 4 u.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
