new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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