Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My ass is underappreciated
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
