...so i touched it.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
