His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
