Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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