it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
