Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
