I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
