Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
