that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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