some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
