I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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