Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
