It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
