when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
