This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
