I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
