We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
