the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
