Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
