Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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