Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
