Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
