party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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