She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
