hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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