Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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