New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
