Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My nipple is on Facebook.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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