Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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