John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i believe in u and ur pee
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
