boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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