Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there was a trapeze. enough said
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
