6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
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he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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