Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
