Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
