I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I will die if light touches me.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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