I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
