forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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