so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
