Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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