the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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