YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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