Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
