At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The adults are the big ones right?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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