He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
