Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
