grandma shit on top of the toilet
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
