I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
