Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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