Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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