wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
