Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
