wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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