I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I am available for nakedness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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